How do you (a)rise above your life’s problems and challenges?

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Living can be tough.

When life’s curl balls launch their fury at you, what do you do? What can you do?

Don't we all have a fair share of what (real) life can look like at times?

Wouldn't life just be wonderful if only it was about making plans - short term, mid-term, and long-term. And all that we need to do is simply ATTAIN and ACHIEVE, taking as few steps as possible and within as short a time as possible. Wouldn't that be a dream?

Sounds like one?

Indeed It is, and it's a mirage.

What if,

Despite your best intentions and effort, your life does not turn out the way you had hoped and dreamed of. Feeling perplexed and frustrated, what can you do?

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In 1966, that was what happened during the 1st National day parade of the newly minted small nation, Singapore.

Ever heard of the expression ‘raining on someone’s parade’?

That morning, in the midst of an important National Parade, it poured. Everyone was drenched, including the President.

And poured, it did.

The then Prime minister Mr Lee Kuan Yew, had to decide whether to postpone the event, or to carry on. And he chose the latter.

For ‘to do otherwise, would have implied that SIngaporeans were not resilient’, his daughter later shared.

In those moments, everyone involved had to make a choice.

And having chosen, each individual expressed an innately held value that represented something important to them.

And because of how each person had chosen, history is changed, forever.

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I am not going to worry unless the animals start lining up one by one for the next space shuttle.

Each person’s story in a given situation, reframed and re-authored.

How had that event impacted each person who was involved, and drenched in that particular Parade of 1966?

Imagine for a moment,

What would this mean for you, if you too are finding yourself caught and ‘drenched’ in the ‘parade of your life’? And feeling totally discouraged, feeling helpless and losing hope?

What would you do, and what could you do?

Let’s return to that fateful day, at the inauguration National parade that probably changed the lives of everyone who participated and stood in the rain.

And what changed had each person experienced that added new meaning, and hope in a seemingly hopeless and bleak situation?

What if you could still choose to do something, and still believe in something, despite what the circumstances might be telling you? What if great opportunities just lie a step or two away, beyond the problems and challenges you face today?

• - Opportunities for growth,

• - Opportunities for change,

• That if you care to take just those few more steps, would lead you to a place of hope, meaning, and purpose?

'Even though our shoes were wet, the challenge was to carry on…’, says one parade participant.

The President stood in the rain, and the cheers from the grandstand of people drenched, literally made me march taller’, shared another.

For one participant that morning, he made a decision not to retreat in the face of a setback ( i.e. the heavy downpour), and he chose a higher value of choosing also not to step back. And so, he stood his ground, allowing the rain to pound on him, regardless.

Yet for another,

He saw a chance to demonstrate what it means to choose and demonstrate resilience.

I imagine, for that individual that day, he would have grasped what it meant to be resilient by pulling all he had, to stand, and to stand.

That day, he probably learned what it would take and require of him, to stand, come what may.

Yet for another,

it could have meant choosing to soldier on, exhausting all resources and sparing no effort to push back his/her obstacles, albeit (and ignoring) the pains and sufferings.

Individually and collectively, these individuals’ choices culminated to an ‘unique outcome’.

In choosing to stand, that morning, the problem - the pouring rain, persistent as it might have been, had faded into the background.

The rain, heavy as it were, washed no one home, and deterred none.

And that became their collective stories, in spite of the rain

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In my work, I have encountered many individuals who come to seek support for many different types of issues; anxiety; Depression; relational issues; the list goes on.

Many questioned the meaning of life while it rained on the many ‘parades’ of their lives;

Some experience the financial strains of living in the modern world; some fear missing out and not doing enough, and not being enough; others fear not ‘running fast’ enough, and yet others have things done to them that have scarred and traumatized them deeply. And the list goes on,

And living is indeed hard for many, not to say the least.

People sometimes are no longer able to find ‘solutions’ to their problems, and have began numbing it through addictive behaviours. At other times, ending it all seems “better” options than to face what is.

During challenging times like these, what can one do?

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As a care-giver and only child living with my parents who have a chronic and debilitating illness, I understand what it means to be swarmed with what we ‘have not asked for from life’.

It feels unfair, annoying. The situation seems to trap us, and we are trapped further when we do not realize our empowerment even at times such as these.

When we focus on the problems at hand, all we see is gray skies.

If all we do is to focus on the rain, then indeed the rain shall come to dictate the rest of the experiences for us.

But what if we acknowledge the rain, but also ask, what else is there, besides the rain and gray skies?

During times like these, I find it extremely helpful to take a step back and re-look the way I looked at the situation presented to me.

It is very much like taking a step back, and looking at the rain, and deciding how I want to see my situation ‘in the rain’ instead of merely focusing on how the rain has drenched me, and the fact that I am (very) drenched.

'Even though our shoes were wet, the challenge was to carry on…’

Re-authoring the story of your life

A good method I have always employed whenever I feel or fall into these moments of feeling stuck in the ruts, is to remind myself of the following acronym - ‘ADD’

In applying ‘ADD’, we can choose to,

1. Acknowledge and (learn to) accept the situation, that is.

2. Describe how I feel about it.

3. Decide what I want to do about it.

Let’s face this, if it is not ‘raining’ it could be something else, and sure there are sunny days, but surely there will be rains and storms and the in-betweens.

And since it is bound to rain one time or another on our parade in one’s entire lifetime, why not learn to accept the ‘what is’, and allow ourselves those ‘time’ and ‘space’ to gain equanimity?

And instead of ranting and complaining about the ‘if only’, getting in touch with how we feel about a given situation, makes it easier for us to ‘own’ the situation and ultimately stop us acting like a ‘victim’.

When have embraced the ‘what is’, we will be able to move on to the next step of asking the very useful question of,

‘What do I want to do about this?’

At the end of the day, we can rant all we want to, and feel all we want about a given situation, but push comes to shove, we need to continue moving. And having that space to allow us to accept, and asking 'what do i want to do about this', allow us to channel our energy into an actionable plan.

One, that gets us not out of the rain, but through it.

..Asking 'what do i want to do about this', allow us to channel our energy into an actionable plan..

What is reframing?

Reframing or re-storying invites us to explore and see the neglected, subordinate story of the ‘what else’ in a given situation. It is like finding something to be thankful for, in the rain.

Like those folks who got caught in that epic rain, despite what they experienced that day, each person chose to focus on something else, something bigger, than the heavy rain itself.

And when they discovered something ‘bigger’ than their given situation, that discovery enables one to see hope in the midst of an unfavorable situation.

Instead of telling the story of a rain that soaked everything wet, there is an alternative power stories of hope, resilience and personal power that are told that fateful day.

In the end, a tragedy need not always be a tragedy in the end.

For we can choose and reauthor our stories and say

• Today, I can choose;

• Today I can do something, one thing, two things, half a thing; to help myself, and to help another person, to rise above what is,

• Today, I am thankful, and despite the despite, I am alive,

• Today, I want to take a step, and not allow the desert to bury me forever.

• Today, I want to live triumphantly, and choose not to allow life’s valleys to defeat me;

Friends, the first key to living life successfully, is really about learning how to choose our responses and perspective, and doing so carefully and wisely.

And such is the power of re-framing each of our life situations, and regaining our power, hope and meaning in negative situations in our life.